GUYS.  It’s spring.  It’s finally SPRING!  Here’s some thoughts:

1. Even when it’s a bad day, it’s still a pretty good one.  Chances are the sun is shining, the grass is green, and it’s not 8000-degrees below zero.  I don’t know about you, but all of those things make me instantly happy.  My dead winter self has come back to life, y’all!  Still not putting pants on though.

2. My wedding anniversary is coming up soon.  Which means I have somehow, YET AGAIN, managed to stay married for another year.  Has the world done tilted sideways?  Or perhaps hubby likes a woman in a constant state of robe-wearing, lounging on couches, but not in a sexy way?  Possibly that is the secret to a successful partnership, and if that’s the case, let’s not forget who invented it (ME!) in case of kudos and credit and forthcoming made-for-TV movie.  Also, pajamas for everyone!

3. Be sure and do armpit checks before putting on short sleeved shirts.  You know, in case you do a lot of arm raising out in public and would prefer not to advertise to your co-workers how stuck in winter mode you still are.  Not that I know first hand or anything.  Cuz I just LOOOOOVE shaving.  It’s the best thing about taking a bath, all that effort and hoisting up of legs and everything.  Super fun.

Now that I’ve most likely scared half of you away, let’s look at pretty things!  Remember last week how we bought some polish and donated to charity all with the click of one tiny button?  As in, best display of zero effort EVER?!  Well, let’s do that again.  I have April’s Monthly Awareness Polish Box to share with you today.  Take a look:

Each month, the Monthly Awareness Polish Box partners with six awesome indie brands to create exclusive, customized polishes to fit the theme of that particular month’s charity.  Some of you may already know, but April is Autism Awareness Month, so it only made sense to donate to an organization that benefits autism research.  After some consideration, Courtney chose the  Autism Research Institute, a highly regarded four-star charity.  That’s four out of FOUR stars, people!  And in case math is hard, that means it’s a good one.

So let’s get into it!  The polishes:

Excuse me while I attach my jaw back on my face.  I can’t go gettin’ unattractive this early in the blog.  Hubby might come in here and divorce me if I don’t get it together.  Cuz drooling, tongue-lolling wives are surprisingly not sexy.  Although neither are hubbies with judgy eyes.

First up is from Lifestyle Lacquer:

This is Love Needs No Words, a duochrome that shifts from blue to violet with a bit of scattered holo.  Yes, please!  Who else melts into a big puddle of goo when the word duochrome comes out?  Seriously, getting this on my nails was a sheer act of superhuman determination.  Cuz not much gets done while you’re busy passing out for a second. 

Also, I went outside to take these photos.  Next step:  logic, out the window.  Science is officially a facsimile of a sham.  Quick!  Someone get me pajamas and a latte, stat.

Time for macros!

Well, I don’t hate that one bit.  Ugh.

Next up is from My Indie Polish:

This is Close to Home, a purple creme with a pink/purple shimmer and a touch of holo.  Did you just die a little, cuz I sure did.  What a gorgeous little dreamboat.  My favorite shade of purple.  What else could be better?  Maybe there’s Leonardo in your living room holding a basketful of kitties?  Or perhaps mail is being delivered on a Sunday.  But other than that, NOT MUCH.  

Look at her under the lamps.  Drool buckets, EXTRAVAGANZA!

Ugh.  No Words.  Just moan-y throat noises.  Uhhhhhhhnnnnnnn.

See?  How the rest of this blog is getting written, I dunno.

Now we have Sassy Pants Polish:

This is Kiss My Aspergers, a red jelly base with red microglitters and red to gold micro flakies.  Seriously, if I’m wearing a red polish, it’s a red like this one.  Full of goodies!  It’s your date night red.  Your party red.  Or it could also be your couch lounging, napping red.  You know, if you’re me.

Man, I super love this.  Jelly polishes are the best.  The glitters, how they’re just floating in that big sea of red.  For real, I kinda wanna lick this one.  Except society says NO.  Society is zero fun sometimes.

And of course hubbies with their judgy eyes.  We don’t like them very much, now do we?  Listen, I never bought that fanny pack OR those straps for your eyeglasses that keep them attached to your face, so the least he can do is look the other way every once in a while.

I swear this would taste good:

Either that or kind of poison-y, but we’ll never know now, will we?  Hmmmpf.

From Night Owl Lacquer:

This one is called Loving Patience, a seafoam green with bright turquoise shimmer, crystal rainbow flakies and scattered holo.  And y’all know how I feel about this one already without me even saying so.  You’ve read this blog before, I’m assuming.  And that macro of the bottle up there?  For real, DEAD.  My brain has literally stopped holding my mouth shut.  Drooling, level EXPERT.

Under the lamps, that turquoise shimmer stands out so nice:

Who’s having the best day ever right now?  Green is my happy place.  And seafoam green is my happy place with like a Starbucks on top.

This one is perfect for spring.  Get it on your nails!  I mean it.

Next is from All Mixed Up Lacquers:

This one is All Over the Spectrum, a light grey scattered holo base with green, pink, purple and blue micro flakies and pink, green, purple, red, orange, turquoise and blue holographic glitters.  And OMG, is this not insane, but in the best way possible?!  This polish is just plain FUN.  That glitter mix is crazy legit.  Heart eyes times a billion, people!  You’re gonna love it, I just know.

For so much glitter, the formula here is basically perfection.  Not thick and goopy like some polishes tend to be.  Cuz no one wants a goopy polish.  Goopy polish is a punishment for bad people, like ones who make extra food noises with their mouth or who park in two spots at the same time, but like, they drive a car with mismatched doors so there isn’t even a good reason for it.  NO, goopy polish has zero business in the hands of a proper lady.  Cuz we are princesses and we shall be treated as such.

If there was ever a time for smelling salts, now would be it:

It’s good to be prepared, sometimes.  

Lastly, from Pretty Beautiful Unlimited:

This one is called Something Mysterious, and I have seriously lost all words.  Good thing we’re at the end, cuz I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to pass out soon.  Cuz FLAKIES.  EVERYWHERE.

This one has an orange-y yellow base and is jam-packed loaded with pink/purple/blue/gold color shifting flakies, gold holo shreds, red shimmer and chameleon glitters.  It’s glorious!  Nice formula, too, considering all its goodies. I loved applying this, and was about to go full-on Polish Mountain with it, but gave up after two coats.  Eh.  I’m not very good at goals, let’s just say.

How about a ridiculous display of flakies then:

Gah! So pretty. A shimmering jewel.

And then I matted it for funsies:

DONE.  If I had a mic in my hand right now, I’d straight up drop it and walk right out of the room.  We’ve ended on a big ole exclamation point, people, so we’re gonna wrap this up in case something stupid comes out and ruins everything.  As it does from time to time.

The round up:

Pre-sale for this box opens on March 26 and will run through April 9.  Cost is $52 + shipping and 10% of the proceeds will be donated to the Autism Research Institute.  There are also options to purchase just a single bottle or a set of 4 bottles instead of the entire box.  Although, WHY?, is the actual question.

To purchase, click here and then give yourself a toot on the ole horn for being so fabulous.

To get connected with future Monthly Awareness Polish boxes, like their Facebook page (click here) or follow their Instagram (click here). AND THEN! …

While you’re in a clicking mood, visit all the Instagrams!

Lifestyle Lacquer

My Indie Polish

Sassy Pants Polish

Night Owl Lacquer

All Mixed Up Lacquers

Pretty Beautiful Unlimited

Me (well, you didn’t think you were getting out of here without clicking on this one, did you?)

Okay, guys.  That’s it!  Let’s go ahead and set 17 alarms and put Post-Its on all your surfaces cuz you have approximately 3 days left to get your to-do list organized.  This box, up top!  Then dishes and groceries, if there’s time.

Well, why be obsessed if you can’t be the best darn obsessed obsesser that ever obsessed?  WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOUR LIFE?!  To hoard all the polish, at the very minimum.  Duh.

Later, loves!