Monthly Archives: March 2017

Noodles Nail Polish: Spring 2017 Collection 

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Hubby and I shouldn’t have discussions after 11pm cuz that’s when the stupid things start to come out.  I mean, when you have one eye closed and a brain half asleep, you really have no business talking at all.  Or else you might make a decision on things you weren’t ready to commit to.  Cuz apparently now if I ever have to get false teeth I’m not allowed to take them out and gum on things in front of the hubs or else he’ll refuse to love me.  Well how ZERO FUN is that?  I imagine the only bright side to false teeth would be the gumming.  Oh! and putting them in a glass by the sink right next to his toothbrush.

So not even sure why this is even a thing now, but since it’s out in the open, I’m gonna go ahead and dissect it to death.  Cuz four years ago, right after the minister thought I was about to marry my brother (we bought the cheap wedding, clearly) my husband promised to God and a room full of other people that he’d be there for me in sickness and in health.   So as soon as he shows me where the false teeth disclaimer is, I’m going to hold him to every word of it.  Sorry.  God is watching.

Not that I want to gum things in public or anything, but false teeth does run in the family.  Considering how lucky I am in all things life-related, prettttttty sure I’ll suffer the same fate.  Or actually hubby will be the one to suffer, as there’s not much sexy to go around when your teeth are in a completely different room as you.

Which brings me to the point for this entire conversation:  I’m going to the dentist today to get a cavity filled, which – as an adult – should be outlawed.  I get cavities at least once a year, so the probability for false teeth is lurking.  And if that’s the reward I get for going to the dentist every six months like you’d expect from the 1987 Spelling Bee Champion – well then maybe I should’ve drank more than one wine cooler in high school.  Cuz apparently following rules gets you nowhere.

So while I sit here having anxiety and sweating like a lady, let’s talk nail polish.  Natalie with Noodles Nail Polish sent me her Spring 2017 Collection to share with you today, six polishes full of sunshine and happiness.  Ready to go?  Well then lessss go!

Welp, we want all those, now don’t we?  Cuz they just scream spring, and who couldn’t use a dose of spring in their life?  That’s right – just the crazy ones.  My grass is already turning a brilliant shade of green, and I am beside myself with joy.  Goodbye dead winter self! I’m about *thisclose* to putting pants on, so you know I’m serious.

First up is Petals & Peonies:

It pays to be prepared in life sometimes.  Like, by wearing stretchy pants before cheesecake, or perhaps there’s a wedding dress in your car in case of a surprise Leonardo sighting.  And one day the Queen of England might need you to bring her a sandwich, so you’re buying this nail polish just to be safe.  Cuz while you’re probably not wearing pantyhose or one of those hats with the feathers in it, at least you know your nails look good. That’s half your fashion logistics right there. 

So this one has a pale pink crelly base and it’s loaded with pastel, silver and gold glitters, gold shimmer and silver flakies.  Goes on smooth even with all the goodies, and now you are ready to hold a thousand tiny cups, at the minimum.  Tea with the Queen: BRING IT. 

Time for macros!

Gah, so pretty. 

Next up is Metamorphosis:

Okay, it’s just way too early for this.  We barely got started and already my brain has stopped holding my mouth closed.  Can you imagine how unattractive I’m about to get?  Like, false teeth is one thing but lolling tongues and drool buckets is another thing altogether.  Seriously, I’m locking this bedroom door lest hubby comes in here to divorce me. 

This one is a steely blue green holo with copper shimmer and soft pinkish/red shift, and it will absolutely knock your socks off.  You got shit to do and only one coat of polish to spare?  Here ya go then, your dreamboat in a bottle.  Now you’ve got pretty nails AND time to spare to go be Mom of the Year or whatever it is all you normal people get accomplished on a daily basis.  It’s a sad state of affairs over at my house, what with all the pajamas and the lounging.

Put this hot mama under the lamps for a minute:

Do you hear angels? I hear angels.  You’re officially buying one bottle of this, and then 27 back up bottles.  To start.

Grab your smelling salts, stat!   Now you may scroll:

Some nail art I did:

I mean, not gonna win any awards or anything, but it’s not the worst I’ve ever done.  Cuz I invented the Meth Owl, and certainly not on purpose.  

Now here’s Blue Skies:

My absolute favorite of the bunch. It’s glorious and stunning and about 2.5 seconds away from an accidental painting of all the surfaces.  Clearly, an extra bit of supervision is in order.  SEND HELP.  And a Starbucks, just in case.

So this one is a light blue crelly with silver flakies, white microflakies and soft scattered holo.  WHITE microflakies?!  I know!  And now were all having the best day EVER.  Cuz flakies make everything better.  And prettier and skinnier too, prolly.

More macros, more drool:

You done died.  You did.

This one is called Rise & Shine:

My eyes, my eyes!  Holy moly guys.  A ridiculous display of sparkle, in case you’re due for one.

This one is a full coverage glitter mix of gold, pink, aqua, purple, silver metallic and holo.  It can be a used as a topper if you  apply it very thinly, but honestly, why you being hayve on a Thursday?  Let’s just lose allllll the control on this cuz that’s the only logical thing I can think of.  I did two brushed-on coats and one dabbed coat for safety, and the pay out is for real LEGIT.   They’re party nails or nap nails depending on if you’re you or if you’re me.  Either way though:  you will lub them lots.

More macros, in case you wanna pass out for a second:

Okay, now that was nuts.

Scroll past this next part:

Y’all didn’t scroll.  Ugh.  What the hell is this then?  I don’t dislike it, but I dunno.  Did I nail fail like usual or am I just being too critical?  You tell me cuz my brain’s no longer working.

Used the Bump, Set, Spike vinyls from Polished Vino if any recreations are in order.  Bahaha.  Ugh.

Next up is Spring Fling:

Well, now how precious is this?  Someone on my Instagram commented that it looks like candy, and I’d have to agree on that a bit.  I could go for a lick of this one, for sure.  Probably tastes more poison-y than expected, but can’t say I’m not considering it.   Also, someone needs to save me from me.  It’s getting dire in here.

So this little princess is a creamy white crelly loaded with yellow, pink, purple, peach and blue glitters and fine pink holo shreds.  All of it, cutie pie.  Every single bit is full of joy.  Go ahead and smile with your eyes closed on this one.  But be by yourself cuz judgy eyes are everywhere.

Can’t stop, won’t stop:

Lastly, here’s Flutterby:

No sense in petering out here at the end.  Cuz a spring collection wouldn’t be proper without some purple in it.  Who just died a little bit then?  ME TOO!  This entire collection is crazy good.  You’re buying the whole thing, I’ve already decided.  And in case kudos and thanks are in order, I like gift cards. And Leonardo, if you’re not busy.

So this beauty is a soft lilac holo with more of those white microflakies we love to the point of speculation and a touch of purple shimmer.  Seriously, if you haven’t drooled in a thousand buckets at this point, I’m var var concerned about the state of your brain.  Maybe you don’t enjoy happiness. Or maybe you have no eyes.  Either way, medical intervention is in order.  

Final act of convincing:

And then some kinda cute nail art:

I’m proud of this one.  It’s not hideous!  Granted, I went a touch bananas on those purple studs, but for the most part I did a thing with a skosh of jazz hands instead of a thing with, like, sweatpants on per usual.

You should definitely recreate this one!  Used the Lina Feeling Shapely 08 plate and a tiny bit of magic.  

The round up:

GUYS.  Trust me when I tell you how hardcore you love these.  You do, I know it.  Cuz we don’t just walk away from a basketful of kittens NOR do we walk away from a Noodles Nail Polish collection.  Ever.  Write it down in case there’s a quiz.

This collection releases tomorrow, March 31 at 6pm EST.  Set 17 alarms and put Post-It Notes in all your hidey holes cuz there’s no way you’re getting there late like some kind of hobo.  No, you’re first in line cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you. Click here for shopping!

For now, I’m just gonna have a quick little panic over the dentist tomorrow.  Maybe google some side effects in case the Novocaine doesn’t wear off for the rest of my life.  You know, nothing unreasonable.

(PRAY FOR ME.)

Later, loves!

Holy Shift: Shift Into Spring Box – April 2017

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Hubby bought himself a huge set of golf clubs for the golf he might want to play one day.  Which means from this point forward, all polish related incidents, either intentional or 2 am shopping with your eyes closed accidental, are hereby 100% completely and totally JUSTIFIED.  Cuz if I’m going to count on ONE finger how many times my husband has golfed in the last six years, at least that fingernail can be painted by a 1000 bottles of nail polish, at the minimum.  Who’s making a whooooole lotta sense right about now?  (Me, to be clear.)

Of course, you gotta appreciate a man who makes an effort.  Last time I attempted golf, there was less riding around in a cart holding a wine cooler than expected.  But if you’re into humiliating yourself by the sheer amount of not hitting a ball anywhere well then I’d say SUCCESS doesn’t even begin to describe this scenario.  Cuz I was busy being Spelling Bee Champion of 1987, that’s why.  The opportunity to get good at sports kind of passed me by a little bit.

Not that I didn’t try or anything.  I mean, who was that 7 year old girl by the side of the pool blowing bubbles in the water like a dadgum champion?  No, not her.  The other one, the crying one.  I’ll admit, I quit swimming lessons about 17 times that day.  Pretty sure even a participation trophy had to get committee approval at that point.

After that, the most action I got was in 9th grade when I joined the track team long enough to take a picture for the yearbook.  Considering how many times I got “period cramps” while trying to do a relay race and all the not winning I did, pretty sure it didn’t matter much anyway.  And of course, Lazy, Level EXPERT doesn’t just happen overnight.  No, I’ve had 42 years worth of practice on that one.

While you sit there feeling like suuuuuuuper normal in comparison right now, let’s look at pretty things.  I received this awesome collaboration box to review for you today.  If you’re in the mood for a thermal polish EXTRAVAGANZA! then today’s your lucky day.  Let’s get this drool party started, then!  Here is the Holy Shift: Shift Into Spring box, down below:

If you guessed this was the culmination of 27 hours with my hand in a glass of ice water, having anxiety, you guessed correctly. Nothing gets the OCD going quite like taking pics of thermal polish.  There’s only roughly 2786 other photos I could show you right now, you know, if you’re not busy.

This collaboration box is the brain child of those over at the Holy Shift Thermal Nail Polish group on Facebook.  Four indie brands have come together and created some perfect pretties for spring.  Currently the box is bi-annual, which means there won’t be another for six ENTIRE months (i.e., lightyears with eons and eternities on top), so now’s a good time to get your thermal fix.  Seriously.  I checked.

First up is from Cupcake Polish:

Well, no sense in being gentle about it.  Cuz, BAM!, there’s bling and it’s everywhere.  Not that I’m complaining.  Anything to distract from the sausage fingers is tops in my book.

This one is called Shift Stirrer, an orchid purple-y/pink that shifts to silver when warm.  It’s so girly and sparkly and a complete driving hazard, in case you prefer to know these things ahead of time.  Cuz potholes come out of nowhere.  And curbs, which is an even better surprise.  Ooops.

Took some photos showing the polish in each thermal state.  Please enjoy and then send kudos and congrats and quite possibly some hives cream cuz I was a dang sweaty mess by the time this was done.  Welcome to the big ball of anxiety called Photographing Thermals.  I do it so you don’t have to.  Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking.

Here’s the warm state, i.e., sparkling diamonds:

This was the easiest photo to take.  The polish is this color on me naturally.  Until I get to work and freeze to death for 9 hours straight, that is.

Transition shot, between warm and cool:

Finally, the cool state:

Complete with water droplets by the cuticles.  Yay for not seeing THAT until many days later.  Ugh.  Who’s the best professional you know?  NOT ME.  Moving on.

Time for drool!

Oh yes, we’re gonna need some buckets in here.  Someone get on that, stat.

Next up is this beauty from Pretty & Polished:

I love everything Chelsea makes, and this little lady is no exception.  And if you love thermals, like hardcore love them, then this one is your best friend.  Cuz she’s a THREE PART CHANGER, like the most ambitious of all the thermals.  Although kinda braggy, being all over-achieving and not lazy and whatnot, (or opposite of me, if we’re honest) but we still love her anyway.

The last time I ever remotely excelled at anything – well, did I tell you I was Spelling Bee Champion of 1987?  Yes, like a hundred times?  Okay, well that was pretty much the end of all that then.  Unless you count my 2nd place award for Machine Transcription, a thing that doesn’t even exist anymore.  Yep, that’s what I’m good at: things that aren’t actual things.  Sounds about right.

So this polish is called I Have Better Shift To Do, and it changes from gray to pink to purple at varying temps, plus a light dusting of holo and loaded with flakies for extra specialness.

Here’s those transition shots you forced me into.  First, the warm state:

This is the polish in it’s natural state on me.  I do love the gray because there’s hints of a purple tone plus all those flakies stand out so well.

Now here’s all three colors in one shot, otherwise known as a lifetime of anxiety shoved into roughly 15 minutes:

You better believe the ridiculous amount of high fiving happening right after this.  It’s probably a good thing I wasn’t out in public, as strangers don’t wanna look at mah nails! quite like you’d expect.  However, I just captured the most elusive of all elusiveness, a triple thermal in action, so toots on the ole horn for me then!

Lolling tongues ahead:

The flakies!  The flakies got me, guys.

Now here’s one from Different Dimension:

Okay it’s getting serious.  I’m not sure what plans you have later, but buying this box needs to be at the top.  Cuz how you’re able to turn your back on these four beauties defies alllllll the comprehension.  Would you walk away from a basketful of kitties or a Leonardo handing you a Starbucks?  NO YOU WOULD NOT.  In the shopping cart it goes, then!  Look at you, making good decisions.

This polish is called Getting My Shift Together, a denim blue holo that changes to silvery nude, filled with slight purple shimmer and silver galaxy glitters.  It’s so super pretty and sparkly and ugh … that’s it, I’m buying 27 boxes for backup, just in case of accidental painting of all the surfaces.

In its warm state:

This is the polish color on me the majority of the time.  Described as a nude, but it looked more silver to me.  But nude, silver.  Potato, french fry.  Either way you look at it, it’s all good.

Transition shot between warm and cool:

At this point in the game, my reaction time between ice water, towel, and hands in the light box, was approximately NASCAR pit crew changing a set of tires plus trying to get a bee out of my car during lunch break divided by  scrolling by a surprise photo of a snake coming out of a toilet on Facebook.  Seriously, it was boom, boom, boom DONE.  Really quite amazing if it didn’t involve so much moving around.  I don’t sweat like a lady, let’s just say.

Here’s the cool state:

Such a pretty blue!  I think the denim shade is probably my favorite kind.  Pastel is nice and so is navy, but denim is a little more unique and (I think) pretty flattering on my pale skin.  You agree?  Yes? Yes.

Someone’s about to get suuuuuuper unattractive:

Gah!  Drool buckets, everywhere.

Lastly, here’s this one from Top Shelf Lacquer:

Might as well end this blog on a a big ole exclamation point.  I mean, what other choice did I have?  Cuz purple, cuz pink, cuz lots and lots of happiness.  Also, pretty good lookin’ cuticles, if we’re gonna start putting things on a list.  You know, I don’t excel at much as we’ve quite clearly determined, but I can spot a wonky cuticle from a mile away.  Not sure that’s a talent that pays very well – certainly I’d be President of the Universe by now if it did – but I’m pretty proud of it nonetheless.  I can also fold my tongue back onto itself and make it stick, which is another talent that doesn’t pay well, although WHY?! is the actual question.

This polish is called Shift-Faced, an eggplant purple that changes to bright pink when warm, and is loaded with holo and flakies.  Want, want and need, that’s your new motto.  We’ve basically just sealed the deal with this one.  You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell.

Transition shots!  We’re gonna make all 18 hours spent on this blog WORTH IT.  Here’s warm:

This is the polish in it’s natural state on me.  I really love this.  It’s very bold and a touch edgy, but still pink enough to be girly.  Perfect color for a bit of hand modeling as well, in case of impromptu appliance fondling scenarios or the need to hold tiny sandwiches.  As happens to ALL OF US from time to time.  

I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.

Transition shot between warm and cool:

I swear that tastes good.  I mean, I’m not gonna lick it or anything, cuz society says NO and brain says POISON.  But I kinda wanna think about it for a second at least. Is it raspberry? Or is it wine?  Maybe even raspberry wine?  But we’re too busy being normal to ever find out for sure.  And the judgy eyes, well the judgy eyes are everywhere.

Finally, the cool state:

Are you sweaty?  Cuz I’m sweaty.  Better have your smelling salts handy and a cute boy holding a big leaf fan, cuz I don’t know about you, but it’s about to get a little pass-out-y over here.

Now for a ridiculous display of pretty:

Seriously, you died.  You done did.

The round up:

So this box goes up for presale on April 1 at 8am EST and will close on April 8 at 8pm EST.  In case you don’t math well, that’s 7 days of panic, so you better get your priorities organized properly.  If you miss it, it’ll be a sad state of affairs for you.  Here’s the order deets:

Cost is $39.95 plus shipping.  Expected ship date is roughly April 22 – 29th.  So plenty of time to get worked up into a frenzy, in case you’re due for one.  I mean, it’s bound to happen.  This box is insanely pretty and we’re all legit psychopaths anyway.  No one stalks a mailman quite like us.

Click here for shopping!

To connect with the Holy Shift Facebook group and be in the loop of all things thermal, click here to join.  For real, DO IT.  It’s the logical next step.

Okay gang, that’s it for now.  It’s a busy blogging week, so I’ll be back tomorrow with more nail polish pretties.  Thanks for reading all the way to the bottom.  Internet high fives for you (and kisses for the cute ones).

Later, loves!  

Octopus Party Nail Lacquer: Game of Thrones Trio

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In a random act of extreme short-lived inspiration, I pulled all my work pants out of the closet and threw them on the bathroom floor in preparation for laundry.  Four days later, they are still there.  It’s amazing how long a person can continue to walk around a pile of dirty clothes on the floor.  At this point, it’s just become furniture.  It may stay there for eons with light years and eternities on top, you know, depending on when hubby decides to put it in the washing machine.  Cuz while I am quite aware the pile only exists cuz of Pants-Pulling Frenzy circa 96 hours ago, I can also ignore laundry like a dadgum champion.

Currently, I have three separate piles of clothes going.  One is a basket of clean ones that have actually sat there long enough for them to have probably become dirty again through simple neglect.  The other two are basketless, which the housekeeper just vacuums around every week, most likely in a judgy kind of way.  Listen, the whole reason I have a housekeeper is because of those piles; otherwise, what would be the point then?  You don’t get to Lazy, Level EXPERT by putting away your own laundry, I’ll tell ya that much. 

In related news, the only thing left in my closet pants-wise is a pair of green khakis that I haven’t fit into properly since 2009.  So work on Friday was almost a no-pants-HR-violation sort of scenario, but I chose to just leave them unbuttoned for 9 hours instead.  I mean, they were (mostly) zipped up all the way, at least.  Pretty sure that still qualifies as business casual.  Although the no-pants option would have been enjoyed immensely, just to be clear.

While we wait for another wave of laundry inspiration to hit (might be never; I dunno), I have a real life polish emergency to share.  It might be the most emergency-est of all time, so pay super close attention just in case.  Look:


It’s a multichrome EXTRAVAGANZA! straight from our pal Dave at Octopus Party Nail Lacquer.  This is the Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire trio, three spectacular shifty, shimmery dreamboats that you’re about to fall in love with super hardcore.  However, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, they’re only available for 22 hours.  After that, it’s a sad state of affairs for everyone.  So get off your no-buys people, as this is a legit polish emergency and therefore justified to the trillionth percent.

First up is Sweet Summer Child:

Okay, so this is how it’s gonna be?  With the mouth gaping and the tongue lolling?  We just got started!  I’ll be divorced by the end of this blog, seeing how unattractive I’m about to get.  There’s only so much sexy to go around while holding a drool bucket, ya know?

So this one is a red-toned purple with magenta shift that turns a little orange at extreme angles.  There’s a bit of blue shimmer and multichrome flakies mixed in as well for extra specialness.  Excellent, opaque formula in basically one coat.  Except I did two cuz CAN’T STOP POLISHING.  I lub it so much.

Macros, in case you want to pass out a little:

That orange shimmer is a bit shy under lamps.  Outside in shade or on cloudy days, you can see it much better.  Here’s a very lame attempt:

Points for putting pants on though.  Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking.

Next up is Stoneheart:

Gah!  How are we still upright?  Someone needs to roll me over a couch in case of surprise fainting.  Bring a Starbucks.  And Leonardo, just in case.  One must always be prepared.  Cuz someone’s holding the big leaf fan, and hell if it’s me.

If you love bright pink, this one is bright pink times a billion.  It’s a glorious shimmery fuchsia with an orange shift in extreme angles.  I don’t have an outdoor photo of this one due to only one pants-on session per day allowed.  But if you look at the top of the bottle, you can see that orange peeking out.  And there’s blue shimmer too, for maximum drool effect.

A ridiculous display of pretty:

Yep, you’re about to spend some money.  I can already tell.

Lastly, here’s I Drink and I Know Things:

This one is my favorite.  Cuz there’s nothing better than a green and purple combo.  Well, except for biscuits and gravy.  Or, like a jumbo bag of Funyuns and the house to yourself.  But after that, NOTHING.

Macros to seal the deal:

Seriously, though.  The flakies.  The dadgum flakies!  How you’re able to turn your back on this one, it’s beyond comprehension.  Maybe you don’t like happiness.  Maybe you have no eyes.  I dunno.  Either way, I’m var var concerned about the state of your brain.

One more:

Gotcha.  I knew it would.

The round up:

This trio will be available tomorrow, March 26 (or could be this evening in certain time zones) from midnight through 10pm EST.  That’s a mere 22 hours to organize your life.  If you miss the window, well how sad will you be then?  (Very.)  In other words, just do what I say.  I MEAN IT.

Cost will be $11 each and shipping for all three is only $4.  Click here to shop!  Then sit back, relax and revel in your excellent decision skills.  Toots for you! (And gift cards for me.)

I’m gonna go stare at this pile of laundry and see if anything happens. Maybe (hopefully) magic or teleportation, at the minimum, lest I have to display some sort of effort on a Saturday night.  In which case, the words NO BUENO come immediately to mind.  Ugh.

Later, loves!

Monthly Awareness Polish Box: April 2017

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GUYS.  It’s spring.  It’s finally SPRING!  Here’s some thoughts:

1. Even when it’s a bad day, it’s still a pretty good one.  Chances are the sun is shining, the grass is green, and it’s not 8000-degrees below zero.  I don’t know about you, but all of those things make me instantly happy.  My dead winter self has come back to life, y’all!  Still not putting pants on though.

2. My wedding anniversary is coming up soon.  Which means I have somehow, YET AGAIN, managed to stay married for another year.  Has the world done tilted sideways?  Or perhaps hubby likes a woman in a constant state of robe-wearing, lounging on couches, but not in a sexy way?  Possibly that is the secret to a successful partnership, and if that’s the case, let’s not forget who invented it (ME!) in case of kudos and credit and forthcoming made-for-TV movie.  Also, pajamas for everyone!

3. Be sure and do armpit checks before putting on short sleeved shirts.  You know, in case you do a lot of arm raising out in public and would prefer not to advertise to your co-workers how stuck in winter mode you still are.  Not that I know first hand or anything.  Cuz I just LOOOOOVE shaving.  It’s the best thing about taking a bath, all that effort and hoisting up of legs and everything.  Super fun.

Now that I’ve most likely scared half of you away, let’s look at pretty things!  Remember last week how we bought some polish and donated to charity all with the click of one tiny button?  As in, best display of zero effort EVER?!  Well, let’s do that again.  I have April’s Monthly Awareness Polish Box to share with you today.  Take a look:

Each month, the Monthly Awareness Polish Box partners with six awesome indie brands to create exclusive, customized polishes to fit the theme of that particular month’s charity.  Some of you may already know, but April is Autism Awareness Month, so it only made sense to donate to an organization that benefits autism research.  After some consideration, Courtney chose the  Autism Research Institute, a highly regarded four-star charity.  That’s four out of FOUR stars, people!  And in case math is hard, that means it’s a good one.

So let’s get into it!  The polishes:

Excuse me while I attach my jaw back on my face.  I can’t go gettin’ unattractive this early in the blog.  Hubby might come in here and divorce me if I don’t get it together.  Cuz drooling, tongue-lolling wives are surprisingly not sexy.  Although neither are hubbies with judgy eyes.

First up is from Lifestyle Lacquer:

This is Love Needs No Words, a duochrome that shifts from blue to violet with a bit of scattered holo.  Yes, please!  Who else melts into a big puddle of goo when the word duochrome comes out?  Seriously, getting this on my nails was a sheer act of superhuman determination.  Cuz not much gets done while you’re busy passing out for a second. 

Also, I went outside to take these photos.  Next step:  logic, out the window.  Science is officially a facsimile of a sham.  Quick!  Someone get me pajamas and a latte, stat.

Time for macros!

Well, I don’t hate that one bit.  Ugh.

Next up is from My Indie Polish:

This is Close to Home, a purple creme with a pink/purple shimmer and a touch of holo.  Did you just die a little, cuz I sure did.  What a gorgeous little dreamboat.  My favorite shade of purple.  What else could be better?  Maybe there’s Leonardo in your living room holding a basketful of kitties?  Or perhaps mail is being delivered on a Sunday.  But other than that, NOT MUCH.  

Look at her under the lamps.  Drool buckets, EXTRAVAGANZA!

Ugh.  No Words.  Just moan-y throat noises.  Uhhhhhhhnnnnnnn.

See?  How the rest of this blog is getting written, I dunno.

Now we have Sassy Pants Polish:

This is Kiss My Aspergers, a red jelly base with red microglitters and red to gold micro flakies.  Seriously, if I’m wearing a red polish, it’s a red like this one.  Full of goodies!  It’s your date night red.  Your party red.  Or it could also be your couch lounging, napping red.  You know, if you’re me.

Man, I super love this.  Jelly polishes are the best.  The glitters, how they’re just floating in that big sea of red.  For real, I kinda wanna lick this one.  Except society says NO.  Society is zero fun sometimes.

And of course hubbies with their judgy eyes.  We don’t like them very much, now do we?  Listen, I never bought that fanny pack OR those straps for your eyeglasses that keep them attached to your face, so the least he can do is look the other way every once in a while.

I swear this would taste good:

Either that or kind of poison-y, but we’ll never know now, will we?  Hmmmpf.

From Night Owl Lacquer:

This one is called Loving Patience, a seafoam green with bright turquoise shimmer, crystal rainbow flakies and scattered holo.  And y’all know how I feel about this one already without me even saying so.  You’ve read this blog before, I’m assuming.  And that macro of the bottle up there?  For real, DEAD.  My brain has literally stopped holding my mouth shut.  Drooling, level EXPERT.

Under the lamps, that turquoise shimmer stands out so nice:

Who’s having the best day ever right now?  Green is my happy place.  And seafoam green is my happy place with like a Starbucks on top.

This one is perfect for spring.  Get it on your nails!  I mean it.

Next is from All Mixed Up Lacquers:

This one is All Over the Spectrum, a light grey scattered holo base with green, pink, purple and blue micro flakies and pink, green, purple, red, orange, turquoise and blue holographic glitters.  And OMG, is this not insane, but in the best way possible?!  This polish is just plain FUN.  That glitter mix is crazy legit.  Heart eyes times a billion, people!  You’re gonna love it, I just know.

For so much glitter, the formula here is basically perfection.  Not thick and goopy like some polishes tend to be.  Cuz no one wants a goopy polish.  Goopy polish is a punishment for bad people, like ones who make extra food noises with their mouth or who park in two spots at the same time, but like, they drive a car with mismatched doors so there isn’t even a good reason for it.  NO, goopy polish has zero business in the hands of a proper lady.  Cuz we are princesses and we shall be treated as such.

If there was ever a time for smelling salts, now would be it:

It’s good to be prepared, sometimes.  

Lastly, from Pretty Beautiful Unlimited:


This one is called Something Mysterious, and I have seriously lost all words.  Good thing we’re at the end, cuz I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to pass out soon.  Cuz FLAKIES.  EVERYWHERE.


This one has an orange-y yellow base and is jam-packed loaded with pink/purple/blue/gold color shifting flakies, gold holo shreds, red shimmer and chameleon glitters.  It’s glorious!  Nice formula, too, considering all its goodies. I loved applying this, and was about to go full-on Polish Mountain with it, but gave up after two coats.  Eh.  I’m not very good at goals, let’s just say.

How about a ridiculous display of flakies then:


Gah! So pretty. A shimmering jewel.

And then I matted it for funsies:


DONE.  If I had a mic in my hand right now, I’d straight up drop it and walk right out of the room.  We’ve ended on a big ole exclamation point, people, so we’re gonna wrap this up in case something stupid comes out and ruins everything.  As it does from time to time.

The round up:

Pre-sale for this box opens on March 26 and will run through April 9.  Cost is $52 + shipping and 10% of the proceeds will be donated to the Autism Research Institute.  There are also options to purchase just a single bottle or a set of 4 bottles instead of the entire box.  Although, WHY?, is the actual question.

To purchase, click here and then give yourself a toot on the ole horn for being so fabulous.

To get connected with future Monthly Awareness Polish boxes, like their Facebook page (click here) or follow their Instagram (click here). AND THEN! …

While you’re in a clicking mood, visit all the Instagrams!

Lifestyle Lacquer

My Indie Polish

Sassy Pants Polish

Night Owl Lacquer

All Mixed Up Lacquers

Pretty Beautiful Unlimited

Me (well, you didn’t think you were getting out of here without clicking on this one, did you?)

Okay, guys.  That’s it!  Let’s go ahead and set 17 alarms and put Post-Its on all your surfaces cuz you have approximately 3 days left to get your to-do list organized.  This box, up top!  Then dishes and groceries, if there’s time.

Well, why be obsessed if you can’t be the best darn obsessed obsesser that ever obsessed?  WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOUR LIFE?!  To hoard all the polish, at the very minimum.  Duh.

Later, loves!

Dainty Digits Polish: Enchanted Garden Collex (plus bonuses!)

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Things accomplished this weekend:

1.  Having my husband bring me stuff on his way back from the kitchen.  I swear, I would literally starve to death if he didn’t ever get off this couch.  I mean, sure, I could probably manage to go in there and get the box of Cheez-Its myself, but honestly, who’s up for doing effort on a weekend?  (Crazy people.)  No, I’ll just suffer in silent hunger since a minimum amount of legwork makes the most logical sense.  AND CUZ I AM A PRINCESS, and we shall treat me as such.

So, this morning we had plans to eat hashbrowns, but hubby got called into work unexpectedly.  I laid in bed for 2 hours waiting for food and coffee to just appear in my hand, but it never freaking did.  Booooo.   I had to put pants on and drive myself to Starbucks like someone normal.  Which brings me to my next accomplishment:

2.  I put pants on.  Ugh.

3.  Wearing my last clean pair of underwear.  Which means, there’s a possibility of a 4th accomplishment for the weekend if I decide to do laundry versus just going to the store to buy more.  But that requires ANOTHER pants-wearing scenario, and I’m pretty sure I’ve maxed that situation out.  Dadgummit!  Maybe I can just hand hubby a basket full of panties on his way to the kitchen, cuz certainly he’ll make it to the laundry room at some point?  I dunno.

See guys?  I do stuff!  Maybe my stuff isn’t the same as your stuff, since your stuff requires being social and an interesting person and whatnot.  But things do get done.  I mean, items 1 through 3 didn’t just happen by magic, sooooo … var var busy over here.  Clearly.

Let’s talk polish!  I have lots of pretty things from Dainty Digits Polish to show you today.  There’s a 5-piece Enchanted Garden Collex, a couple of bonus spring releases, PLUS a way for you to get the two exclusives from last weekend’s Indie Shop event.  Are you ready?  I’m ready.  Lesss go!

Let’s talk about the Enchanted Garden Collex.  NeNe created these 5 beautiful shades inspired by one of her dear friend’s love of lilies and other exotic flowers.  Talk about pretty!  I’m a sucker for anything spring, and if I didn’t already own them all, I’d be tossing each one of these in the basket along with 27 back-up bottles just to be safe.  

Someone’s crazy, and while I’m not saying it’s me, it’s probably me.  Well, why be obsessed if you can’t do it properly?

First up is Morning Glory:

This one is a gorgeous, rich purple creme.  Goes on glossy and smooth in two simple coats.  Which means there’s plenty of time leftover to go be Mom-of-the-Year real quick or something.  ORRRRRR!, you can just take a nap.  You know, if you’re me.

Next up is Blue Tiger Lily:

This one is a cornflower blue creme with some aqua and blue flakies and a bit of holo mixed in.  It’s my favorite of the bunch!  If you’re only buying one polish, although WHY? is the actual question,  I recommend this one cuz it makes even the sausage-y-est of fingers look fabulous.  Proof: 

Now here’s Tropical Canna Lily:

This one has a peach crelly base that’s loaded with a whole bunch of flakie business, which is a professional way of saying I don’t know what’s in this polish.  Although, I’m pretty certain “flakie business” is a technical term.   And you’re buying it cuz you have no choice.  

In other news, I am soooooo good at blogging, you guys!  

This one is Stargazer Lily:

This one is a dreamy candy pink creme with a very subtle shimmer.  So subtle, I didn’t actually see it on my nail unless I got my eyeball right up next to it.  I mean, I’m not opposed to doing it that way, as I imagine it’s less weird than putting my tongue on it, which is what I’d rather do.  Cuz it might taste like a strawberry milkshake.  Or maybe poison.  I dunno.  Either way, though, maybe it’s best we just act normal for once.  Moving on.

Lastly, here’s Delirious Dahlia:

This one is a blurple metallic with flakies, some subtle blue/purple shimmer and bit of holo.  It’s really pretty, and all my purple lovers better get this one on the to-do lists, stat.  Well, this one and the other ones.  Cuz if you’re getting out of this blog without all five in your basket, well, I can only imagine how WRONG you must feel.  So ENTIRE Enchanted Garden Collex it is then!  Congratulations on your very good decision.

In case you did not know, last weekend was the Indie Shop event held in Atlanta.  Lots of indie makers were there, as well as a bunch of super lucky people.  Naturally, I wasn’t there because I live in the middle of where nothing ever happens, which is mostly DUMB but also STUPID.  Anyway.  Dainty Digits made this little beauty exclusively for the event:

This is Stream of Enchantment, a light turquoise jelly with aqua shimmer and lots and lots of flakies mixed in. It’s every bit of the glory you think it is.  Even more so maybe.  It’s glory, with happiness and a Starbucks on top.  At MINIMUM.

NeNe has some leftovers, so now is your chance to score your own – without the hassle of time travel, putting pants on, or any other inconviences.  Single bottles are available now for $10 each but you have to be a member of the Facebook fan group in order to buy.  Click here to join – it’s free – and snag this little lady!

Side note: there is also a dark blue nighttime version of this polish available called Obsidian and you can get the duo for $18.   Swatch pics are in the group!

Lastly, there are two bonus spring releases to show you.  First up is Icing on the Cake:

OKAY.  I know this isn’t food.  I know it’s not a cupcake.  Or a donut.  Or anything related to a birthday.  But dadgummit, how am I supposed to not lick this one?  Ugh.  NeNe, you stinker.  

This one has a sweet pink crelly base and a nice healthy dose of multicolored sprinkles … er, glitters, I mean.  It’s fun and festive and just the cutest thing.  Get this on your nails! (But not in your tummy, even though you’ll want to.)

Last one!  Here’s You’re Lucky, I’m Charming:

Without knowing the point of this polish, I applied it all willy nilly and thought something was wrong.  It was so sheer and even after two coats, it looked almost clear.  So I thought maybe it was a topper, applied it over white and thought GOOD JOB, EXPERT! and went on my merry way.

Then I had a conversation with NeNe who told me it was intentionally sheer as it was her quirky take on Lucky Charms cereal and milk.  And OMG, she’s right!  I suppose the hearts and moons and clover-shaped glitters should have given me a hint, but I also thought condoms went on girls until like the 10th grade, so I’m not the best source for info sometimes.

Next day, I went back and used the polish correctly.  Look what I did!

So adorable!  It literally DOES look like cereal and milk.  NeNe nailed it for sure.

To get this look, I did three thin coats then some manual glitter placement so I could get more shapes in there.  Added one more thin coat on top cuz I don’t know why.  I love nail polish; it’s my only excuse.

The round up:

The Enchanted Garden Collex and the two spring bonus releases will be available tomorrow, March 20 so be sure to stick Post-Its on all your surfaces.  Click here for shopping, then stalk the mailman like a proper lady.

As a reminder, the Indie Shop exclusives are only available through the Dainty Digits Facebook fan group.  So you won’t have to scroll up to access the group link, click here instead.  Cuz I understand about effort.  The cat is currently poking holes through the screen door, but moving my legs away from this couch is a decision I’m not ready to make.

Lazy, Level EXPERT.  Not even ashamed.

Later, loves!

Glisten & Glow: 7 Year Anniversary Polish Duo

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My right eye has been sleepy all day.  Every time I blink I pretty much fall asleep on just that one side for a little bit.  Not that the left eye refuses to participate or anything, but since I was at my desk trying to (reluctantly) adult, I figured Nap Mode: Level EXPERT would not be the most logical choice.   Cuz HR is lurking people, let us never forget.  And in that case, I will sit here comatose, but with one eye open, like a good girl.

I’ve never been much of a rule-breaker anyway (i.e., super boring person).  Because of my almost OCD-like need to follow direction, I ask a lot of questions.  I need to know specifically what you mean and how you mean it, probability of alternate scenarios, and I hope to Baby Jesus you have a FAQ sheet with bullet points, cuz imma need that too, prolly.

And don’t even ask me to veer off schedule and improvise anything.  I don’t believe in a gray area or room for interpretation.  If a recipe calls for a dash of pepper, I’m spending the next 18 hours googling how much a dash is.  And don’t tell me to cook the fish until it flakes easily with a fork cuz that’s not a proper cooking term.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE EXACTLY?!, is the actual question, and I get the hives trying to figure it out.

In other words, if someone doesn’t invite me to a party soon, well do you see what you’re missing?!  DO YOU?

While we all sit and contemplate, let’s look at pretty things!  I have two new polishes from Glisten & Glow to show you today.  They are part of a duo to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Glisten & Glow, a very worthy party idea if I ever heard one, you know, in case you need an excuse to drink a wine cooler on a Thursday.  See below:

Back on March 10, 2010 a dream came true and Glisten & Glow became a real life thing.  And without any warning whatsoever, every single one of us nail polish nerds fell in love.  Seriously, how did we all function like humans before this indie business started?  We were just polish robots with carts full of mainstream, zero fun, and cuticles that could poke an eye out, I’m guessing.  Or at least I was anyway.  So, God bless Glisten & Glow for all the spectacular pretties over the past 7 years.  And for making my nails not look like a hobo.  Amen.

First up is 7 Years and Glowing:

Mercy, it’s already started.  Dadgummit.  Are you sweaty?  Cuz I’m sweaty.

This one is a teal linear holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and flashes of blue and gold shimmers.  It’s a beautiful, mermaid-y, ocean-y dreamboat, and you’re just gonna go ahead and throw it in the basket. Cuz I’m the boss of you, that’s why. 

Then I stuck a big ole daylight lamp on top of it.  And died a little:

Erlack! For real, that’s no joke legit. There’s no way you’re walking out of this blog without 27 bottles of this, MINIMUM. 

Macro (aka, drool) time!

How unattractive do you look right now?  ME TOO! Lolling tongues and drool buckets, everywhere.

Some nail art I did:

I was gonna do a mermaid mani but thought I’d do something unexpected. Not that this is particularly revolutionary or anything, but I’ve had these Twinkled T scribble vinyls for ages and figured why not?

Why not, indeed. I like it lots. 

Last half of the duo is Seventh Heaven:

If there’s anything more complimentary to a teal green mani, it’s gotta be a coral one. Clearly someone knows how to do nail polish. I’m not saying it’s Glisten & Glow, but it’s probably Glisten & Glow. 

So this one is a light coral creme holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and subtle purple and blue shimmers. It’s very springy and fresh and totally work appropriate and Queen of England-approved, you know, in case you two are having sandwiches later. As happens from time to time.

The shimmers in here are delicate and a bit shy. Below is a shot with the daylight bulb so you can see them better:

I dunno guys.  I kinda want to lick this one.  Cuz it looks like it might taste like a peach.  I mean, I know it probably doesn’t, maybe not even close.  But if there’s a chance it won’t kill me, I can’t say I wouldn’t at least lay my tongue near it at the minimum.  It’s hanging out of my mouth right now anyway, sooo …

I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.

In case you’re not convinced properly:

Took this shot directly under the lamps so you can see those shimmers real good.  Seriously like a peach, I’m sure of it.

Some nail art I like:

A pretty simple design, but thought I’d play off those purple shimmers by adding a bit of purple stamping.  Kinda cute, yes?  I mean, you’ve seen me do worse I’m certain of it.  Cuz you’ve read this blog before.

I used the Uber Chic Beauty 14-02 plate in case you’re curious.

The round up:

Launch date for this duo is Monday, March 20 at 9am EST so you have PLENTY of time to get your priorities straight.  Glisten & Glow up top, people!  Here’s what you need to know:

Both polishes in a bundle retails for $13

If you want to buy just a single bottle – although, WHY?!, is the actual question – cost is $7

Click here for shopping!  Be sure to pick up a few others while you’re there cuz honestly, what other choice is there?  It’s Jill’s anniversary and we need to thank her properly.  And then go buy me a Starbucks cuz I help you make good decisions.

Later, loves!

Tonic Polish + Crystal’s Charity Lacquers: Project Aloha

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GUYS.  I have something extra special for you today that you’re just gonna love.  Someone has figured out a way to combine your need to hoard all the polish, PLUS donate to a very good cause.  Did you just do an ultra dramatic, overly exaggerated gasp of surprise?  ME TOO!  Prepare to breeze through life now that all your dreams are about to come true.  You get pajamas, and you get pajamas, and YOU get pajamas … Happy days ahead for everyone.  Here’s the scoop:

Crystal’s Charity Lacquers is an organization that started fundraising with nail polish close to 2 years ago.  Each month or so, Crystal chooses a charity and teams up with indie brands to create exclusive polishes to sell and help raise funds for the cause.  For March, she chose the amazing Lindsey with Tonic Polish and Joy with Joy Lacquer to release a duo to benefit the Hawaiian Humane Society.

So back the freak off, boyfriends, girlfriends, Universe and whatnot who says you don’t need another purple nail polish, cuz this right here is a total legit justification.

 

 

Crystal decided on the Hawaiian Humane Society for this month as it holds a very special place in her heart.  At the very bottom of this post is a statement in Crystal’s own words (with pictures!), and I encourage everyone to read it.  After all, it took me 18 years minimum to copy and paste that whole thing.  Whew!

As mentioned up top, there is a duo up for grabs.  I only have swatches of the Tonic Polish offering, but there is a link down below to another blog where you can view the swatches for Joy Lacquer.  Who’s the best, most thorough, OCD blogger in all the land? (ME.  The answer to that question is always ME.  Write it down in a notebook in case there’s a quiz.)

OMG.  Shut up, brain.  Let’s talk polish:

This is Project Aloha, a sunset mauve holo multichrome that shifts to peach and sandy gold with orange to green shifting iridescent glitters.  And if you don’t think this looks exactly like a sunset, then I am var var concerned about your brain.  Lindsey nailed it, once again, as always.  I mean, did we expect anything less?  NO. WE. DID. NOT.

Under the lamps, a lot of the mauve came out, but it looks very purple on me.  Not that I’m complaining.  Mauve, purple.  Potato, french fries.  It’s all good.

Close up of those iridescent glitters that I’ve decided is my most favorite thing in the whole world.  Well, after Leonardo DiCaprio in my living room handing me a Starbucks.  As happens from time to time.

More macros cuz we haven’t drooled enough today.  Well, technically I have, but I’m not normal, I’m quite aware.  If you see me and somehow I’m not in the midst of a suuuuuper unattractive drooling type scenario, just assume I’ve been kidnapped cuz that seems more likely.

I reallllllllllly love nail polish, is what I’m saying.

Smelling salts would come in handy right about now.  I feel a fainting episode is imminent.   Quick!  Roll a couch over just in case.

Lastly, once again (don’t forget), this is a charity duo and so Joy Lacquer has a polish too!  Their offering is Mau Loa Ohana, a bright pink with orange chrome shift. Check out my girl, Elena, from Nail Experiments for swatches. Click here to see!

Pre-order for these starts on March 17 and runs through March 31st.  Cost is $12 each and will be available to purchase at each respective maker’s site.  To make it easy for you (and cuz BEST BLOGGER EVER), here are the links:

Tonic Polish – click here

Joy Lacquer – click here

If you’d like to get the inside scoop on future donations and brand collaborations, join Crystal’s Facebook group by clicking here.  DO IT.  I mean it.

Crystal will be making the donation to the Hawaiian Humane Society in person around April 7th. I’d soooo be on board with that if I could guarantee to hubby (complete with signed waiver, blood sample, and 18 lock-tight provisions and clauses) that I won’t bring home a suitcase full of kitties. Which is nigh on impossible, so guess I’ll stay home and wear pajamas all day instead.  Not as fun, but pretty close.

Later, loves!

 

Background on Crystal’s Charity Lacquers:

“I’ve been involved in fundraising for a number of years now, and always struggled to raise funds. In April 2015, I decided to take a new approach and started asking some of my favourite brands if they would be willing to create custom polishes for me to give away in a raffle style draw. After getting a number of brands on board, we launched our first campaign, a double giveaway benefiting the SPCA and the Terry Fox Foundation for cancer research. That first campaign wrapped up in September 2015 and was more successful that I ever could have dreamed. In order to keep momentum going between giveaways, we introduced our limited edition collaboration sales. That first sale was for the Hawaiian Humane Society so we’ve come a bit full circle with this sale.”

“The Hawaiian Humane Society is a cause very close to my heart. I am a huge animal lover, so helping animals is something I always strive to do. During a trip to Oahu in March 2015, the search for a larger sized geocache brought me to the Hawaiian Humane Society grounds. The geocache owner had received permission to hide the geocache in the middle of the shelter grounds, and upon first arrival, I was stunned by the well thought out shelter and their beautiful grounds. We found the cache and then I couldn’t resist saying hello to the animals. The shelter workers were friendly and offered us treats to give to the animals and told us that we could sign a dog out to walk around or play in one of the play areas. This was like no shelter I’d been to before. You could feel the love and see how the shelter was built with the animals’ happiness in mind. We signed out a sweet pup named Spot and took him for a run in the play area. Once he was tired, we snuggled on a bench and fed him some treats.”

“And then there was Lily. This girl stole my heart and cemented my love for this shelter. Lily was an amazing dog who came in as a stray. She had endless energy and even knew some tricks. When you offered her a treat, she would sit up on her hind legs and put her front paws together like she was praying. She was amazing! But she was a special girl, who needed a special human to give her the forever home she needed. She had been adopted and returned to the shelter already. As a Canadian, we often hear the horror stories of American kill shelters. After spending time with Lily, I nervously, and with tears in my eyes, approached one of the shelter staff and asked them about their policies. I was relieved to hear that the Hawaiian Humane Society does not put time limits on the animals to find their forever homes. This is something that is extremely important to me.”

“I eventually pulled myself away from the animals and we left. But I’ve never forgotten Lily. It took a year and two failed adoptions before this beautiful, silly girl finally found her forever home and I am so grateful to the Hawaiian Humane Society for not giving up on her.”

“Since that trip, I have supported the Hawaiian Humane Society through donations and gifts. We returned to the island in January, 2016 and visited once again with a large donation of food, toys and other supplies needed by the shelter. They were mid renovation during that visit and have recently completed a complete overhaul of the facilities. The Hawaiian Humane Society is also Oahu’s only open admissions shelter. They are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year for people to surrender their animals. They believe there must be a place where all animals are welcome. This means that they will also accept illegal animals with no questions asked and work to save them through relocation to the mainland. The shelter also offers fantastic, affordable programs to help curb the feral cat population through spaying and neutering. I could go on and on about the wonderful programs through the Hawaiian Humane Society as this has barely scratched the surface of all they do.”

Photo of Crystal snuggling with Spot.  The beautiful white pup with brown spots wearing the lei is Lily.  And there’s a cat too who rules over them all. Clearly.