The hem came out of a pair of my pants the other day and so now I either have to staple them back together or throw them away.  Cuz the last time I went to a seamstress there were too many mirrors in there where I was forced to see my own butt, and I really don’t feel like crying again for the next 37 years.

In other words, my weight loss journey isn’t going so well.  As a matter of fact, it hasn’t even left the house yet.  Which makes sense considering I don’t go outside unless someone is paying me to do it.  Or if there is a threat of starvation, and even then I have to think about it first. I know all this inactivity isn’t healthy and I really try to make an effort.  I mean, I walked clear across to the other side of my office building the other day; worked up a sweat and everything.  Then I grabbed a coconut mocha latte and then walked all the way back to my desk.  BUT I DIDN’T BUY THE DONUT, which means I’m about to be skinny any day now, pretty sure.

Truth be told, I have lost a total of 3 pounds.  Although that number is fragile and threatened considering the bag of Cheetos that made its way into the shopping cart on Sunday.  Hubby and I determined we could eat one serving size of 21 Cheetos and still be okay, but I mean, who eats just 21 Cheetos?  If you are that person, you need to take that show on the road cuz your willpower is downright inspiring.  But also, I do not like you very much.  Soooo…

But back to my broken pants.  I’ve talked myself into it, and I think I’ll just go ahead and staple them back together.  I really like the pants – in fact, they’re one of my favorite pairs – and if I wanna spend thousands of dollars on bottles of nail polish but wear stapled pants like a damn hobo, well that seems logical to me.

Let’s look at pretty things!  My pal, Dave, from Octopus Party Nail Lacquer has some gorgeous spring polishes coming out that you’re just gonna die over.  Two are a general release and the other is for members of The Octosquad on Facebook.  You’re joining The Octosquad, by the way.   Read all the way to the bottom and you’ll see what I mean.  Lessss go!

You have no idea what these two are doing to me right now.  It’s about to get suuuuuuper unattractive in here, let’s just say.  I’m trying very hard to stay upright.  And drool and lolling tongues are not a good look for anyone.

So these two shades are for the general release, which means no effort is required, and I don’t know about you but my cat ears perked up immediately.  No effort?  Dave, you’re speaking my language.  Most likely it’s French and handing me a Starbucks. 

First up is Soft Swerve:

Mercy.

Periwinkle is back and this time she’s holo.  How delicately lovely is she?  The perfect polish in case you wanna hold tiny cups of tea or do a little hand modeling with a lacy napkin.  Most certainly it’s Queen of England-approved.  She’s quite proper with just a touch of flash and a light dusting of violet flakies and purple iridescent glitter.  Are you sticking your fingers in peoples’ faces saying LOOK AT MAH NAILS! then?  Well, probably.  But you’re also stroking the heads of newborns and passing laws through Parliament, cuz this polish is suitable for all that.

OMG, what just happened?  Shut up, Brain.

Of course there’s a macro:

While the flakies and glitters aren’t super sticky-out-y, they are definitely there and add a touch of something special to this delicious holo.  I lub it so much!

The other polish is just as gorgeous.  Here’s Maui Howie:

Kind of the opposite of that darling periwinkle, but every bit of stunning.  She’s warmer and more tropical, but also very much made for spring.  I was super excited to see this one in my swatch pack.  I live for shades like this.

So, let’s be clear:  anytime you describe your polish as a “hibiscus jelly” just know I might hurt someone a little just to get to it first.  Nothing serious, mind you, just enough so they know I mean business.  Maybe a tiny karate chop, or like a Black Friday-style elbow jab.  Either way, you’ll be busy sorting yourself out, and I’ll be that girl in the front row with her hand raised, answering all the questions, and being the smartest.  

Not only is it a beautiful coral color, but there’s holo, orange iridescent glitter and rose gold flakies in there too.  Just enough in case you wanna pass out for a second.

All the goodies, all up in yo face:

Now FOCUS!  This last polish is the one made exclusively for members of The Octosquad.  Here’s Octopus Prime:

If you haven’t already clicked on the link and joined the group, I am var var concerned about your brain.  You’re buying this; I’ve decided.  And when have you known me to make a bad decision?  Hammer pants and more than 21 pieces of Cheeto, notwithstanding.

So this one is an intentionally sheer turquoise jelly holo with blue/green flakies and green/orange and green/gold glitter.  Dave says you can apply this over a similar colored base to amplify the color, but I think it’s simply beautiful on its own.  I’ve done three coats here, and it appears opaque enough for me.  Maybe slight visible nail line, but if someone notices, I just hope to God you love them, cuz otherwise there may be a personal space situation that needs tended to.

Let’s seal the deal, shall we?

You are just a puddle on the floor now, right?  Yeah, me too.

I did some nail art with this one, and I kinda actually love it.  Look:

Cutie pie!  I thought the peach was a great compliment to the turquoise, and since it has somewhat of a beachy, Caribbean-esque feel to it, I did tropical flowers using the Lina 4 Seasons Summer 01 plate.  Do you adore it?  (Yes you do.)

The round up:

Presale for the two spring colors starts tomorrow, February 24 at 11am EST and will run until Sunday, February 26 at noon EST.  Click here for shopping!

As for Octopus Prime, it’s available only to members of the Facebook fan group, The Octosquad.  Click here to join and for information on how to snag this beauty.  Pre-sale dates will be March 3 through March 5 but times (as of now) haven’t been decided on yet. 

And as long as you’re in a clicking mood, here’s more links:

Octopus Party Nail Lacquer Instagram page – click here

My Instagram page – click here

Photos of kittens in baskets, just because – click here

Later, loves!