Monthly Archives: July 2015

Allure Beauty Box | July 2015

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You know, if I had a more ridiculous life, my blog posts might be more interesting.  Like maybe the Hot Dog Mobile needs to be driving next to me on the interstate every once in a while.  Or maybe I could share a check-out lane at Walmart with one of those fat guys wearing a t-shirt with naked abs printed on it.  I mean, would it kill The Bachelor to have a fantasy date in my hometown just one time?  But no.  Instead I pee my pants after running half a block.  I read books out loud and in a British accent, even the Southern fiction ones.  And I can fold my tongue back on itself and make it stick.  Those are the things I can share in this blog.  Interesting to NO ONE.

Good thing I can review this beauty box for you.  Here’s my Allure:


Yes, Sample Society is no longer.  It has now transitioned to the Allure Beauty Box.  Price is the same ($15) and contents are the same, so nothing at all has changed.  I don’t know why I was expecting a bit of fanfare.  It’s in my nature to be optimistic I guess.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

First thing in the box is the Oscar Blandi clear dry shampoo.  I have received a sample of this before and you can read the review here if you’d like.  I don’t prefer the clear powder but I know lots of brunettes who do.  In my brain, white powder means it’s working.  Actually, the more white powder the better.  I don’t care if it makes my roots look gray; my roots aren’t greasy and that’s all that matters.  So I can appreciate the idea behind the invisible powder – not everyone has greasy roots that need mattified – but for me personally, it’s white powder all the way.

It’s been awhile since I’ve used a really great mascara.  Or a NEW really great mascara, as I have plenty of old (i.e., expired) great ones in the stash.  This Estee Lauder Sumptuous Infinite Length + Volume mascara is a real gem.  It does exactly what it says: lengthens nicely and plumps up my puny lashes so so so so good.  I seriously used this every single day for two weeks straight.  It’s been a really long time since I’ve done that.  It may be partly cuz my makeup collection has now spilled out of its acrylic drawer confinement and took up residence right in front of the mascara drawer – which means I’d have to physically move it all in order to open the drawer to get out a different mascara.  That is the equivalent to dusting and sweeping underneath your lamps and knick knacks: NOBODY DOES THAT.  So most likely I’ll be using this tube of mascara until the day I die.  Oh well, at least it’s a good one.

I thought I had already owned the Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Eye Serum but I was wrong.  I owned the eye cream, not the serum.  However, it doesn’t really seem to matter because the website’s description is virtually the same for both.  I had to do a Beauty Chat with an Estee Lauder representative to find out what the difference is, and here is their response:

“Both offer the same benefits and technology; the difference is in the texture. Advanced Night Repair Eye Synchronized Complex is a gel-crème and Advanced Night Repair Eye Serum is a true serum. It’s lightweight, ultra-silky and refreshing. It penetrates quickly and is ideal for layering under your current eye crème.”

I would agree about the texture.  This eye serum is really nice.  It absorbs fast and leaves behind some very silky skin.  I just recently finished the eye cream (literally like a week ago) and I’d say the eye cream is a slightly better product than the serum.  The serum is a thin lotion while the cream is a more emollient gel, which I prefer.  They both sink into the skin very fast and have an amazing soft texture, but if I’m forced to choose I’d have to go with the cream.  But I’m never forced to choose.  That’s why I have an unhealthy cache of skincare living underneath my bathroom sink.  Just buy ALL OF IT.  That’s my advice.

Next up is the Bumble and Bumble Hairdresser’s Invisible Oil Primer.  You all know I’m not really into hair products since I have no hair routine whatsoever.  Seeing that I wash my hair twice a week and only use a flatiron, I don’t have much use for styling creams, gels, mousses or spritzes.  So you can imagine my thrill at seeing this in the box.  However, I read up on it (like a proper blogger) and this primer might deem to be useful.  It claims to soften, detangle, de-frizz, tame flyaways, ease styling and protect against breakage, heat and UV damage.  That’s a lot of stuff – and good stuff that my hair could use.  I do have tangly hair that tends to get frizzy and break easily, plus a heat protectant is probably pretty important.  I tried it once and nothing bad happened, which is also pretty important .  No scummy film left behind and no sticky-up hair scenario ensued.   Ugh. Fiiiiine.  I’ll keep it.  But just this one time.

Got the Supergoop! Setting Mist.  I’ve been using setting sprays a lot recently and not really sure why.  Maybe it’s because I keep buying them and now have a tiny little hoard taking up residence on the bathroom counter – and they won’t go away unless I use them.  Cuz honestly, I don’t actually know if I’m getting any benefit out of a setting spray.  Do they really help your makeup stay on longer?  Dunno.  Do they take away the look of powder and cakey-ness on your face?  Dunno.  Do they make you feel like you could operate your own YouTube channel because you bought one (or seven)?  Yes, absolutely.

This one, however, does have a benefit that most don’t – added SPF 50.  Granted if you aren’t going to be continually using this spray, the SPF won’t matter much.  But I do like the fact it has it.  Other than the SPF and the fact it sets makeup, it is also supposed to help control oil and shine.  I put it to the test a few times and here are my thoughts:

The pump is weird.  It sprays very harshly out of the bottle and hits your face hard.  It doesn’t give you a nice little misting but almost a punch right in the eyeball.  I have the sample size so not sure if the full size does the same thing, but that’s just note #1.  Note #2 is the smell.  It’s supposed to be a refreshing rosemary, but I swear it smells like sunscreen.  Not necessarily bad unless you aren’t a fan of that smell.  Note #3 is the finish.  It goes on sort of dry.  It’s wet when it hits your face but evaporates almost immediately.  And you look very matte – or at least I did.  As far as the oil control claim, I didn’t detect any kind of miracle.  I still had to blot about the same time as I do every day.

I suppose the most important question is would I purchase it again.  The answer is yes.  I think this would be a very convenient way to get some sun protection without jacking up your makeup.  Since it doesn’t leave your face wet, it’s perfect for any time of day.  Plus it comes in two sizes, and the 1oz size would be perfect for your purse.  Well, not my purse because it’s full of 27 lipglosses, blotting papers, retractable blush brush, cuticle oil and industrial strength hand sanitizer that kills the stomach flu.  But for normal people, this should work just fine.

Last item in the box is the InvisiBobble traceless hair ring.  It’s a hair tie disguised as an old telephone cord.  The idea behind it is to secure the hair without leaving a dent in it, even in very fine hair.  I have fine hair and almost everything leaves a dent.  I can pull my hair up in a clip, take a 20 minute bath, and there’s a dent right afterward.  So I was very excited to try this product.  However, I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would.  Yes, it works.  But if you want a high and tight ponytail, this will not provide.  It pulls your hair back limply.  It stays in and doesn’t lose position, but it does not do the same thing a regular hair tie will do.  On the upside, it truly does not leave a dent which is good if all you really want is your hair pulled off your face loosely.  But if you want to look like a stern business woman who just had an eye lift (obviously my go-to) then you are S.O.L. with this thing.

And that’s it!  Once again, thanks for reading my little blog and for following me on Instagram and liking all my pictures and whatnot.  One of these days when I get rich and famous, I’m going to come give every one of you hugs, kisses and REAL high fives (not just internet ones).  So to speed that along, go ahead and share this post (and all others) on your own social media.  I give you permission.  There’s a share button down there somewhere.  Click it.  Thanks.

Buying Stuff: Episode 26

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Insider Tip #257:  When you go to your annual skin check at the Dermatologist’s office, plan ahead and make sure you’re wearing your nice underwear.  Because regardless of who is looking at you almost naked, it’s less uncomfortable if you’re not sporting a baggy, pilled-up cotton, 6-year-old pair of underpants.  Not that I know firsthand or anything, I just randomly thought of it and figured it’d be a handy little tip worth sharing.

Look, I bought eyeshadow!

This is the Givenchy Prisme Quatuor eyeshadow quad in #7 Tentation and IT. IS. TERRIBLE.  It is also the only time I’ve ever received something that I put actual effort towards returning.  Well, would you spend $58 on something that doesn’t work AT ALL and then store it away under your bathroom counter for the next 15 years?  I mean, I would cuz I’m ridiculous, but would YOU?  Cuz when you’re Givenchy there’s a certain expectation to uphold, and this was not it.  Pigmentation was seriously lacking; even the glittery green looked muddy and matte on the eyelid.  These colors should have been beautiful.  And for once, the reviews on the Sephora site agrees with me.  I can’t speak for the other quads, however, but Buyer Beware.  This also has a six month shelf life, so what started out bad just got worse.

And now for a high quality, professional photograph:

Hush.  I know.  In my defense, I accidentally deleted the pic off my phone so I had to screenshot it from my Instagram, then crop it.  I went to a lot of trouble to present it for you.  Even more trouble when I tell you I’ve only used it one time.

I’m having bad luck with eyeshadow palettes lately, especially ones from designers.  However, this Tory Burch one in Cat’s Meow isn’t as bad as the Givenchy.  All of these shades had pigmentation, but the payoff wasn’t as impressive as I thought they’d be.  Surprisingly, the two darker shades on the bottom looked about the same on my eyelid even though they clearly are not.  The tones of them are more muted than vibrant, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing depending on what you prefer.  They give you a more smoky effect than anything else, and they kind of wore off my eyeball by the end of the day (even with primer).  I am going to pull it out again this week and have another stab at it.  It cost me $60 so something tells me it’s the right thing to do.

I need to stop buying expensive eyeshadow palettes.  Case in point:

It’s the NARS Dual Intensity eyeshadow palette and it cost $79, which is clear evidence I make very poor decisions.  Yes, it’s pretty.  Yes, it’s limited edition (and therefore puts me in a brainwashed kind of panic).  But pigmentation on these is not as vibrant like you’d expect and I don’t find myself reaching for it much if at all ever.  The shadows can be used wet or dry, and when wet they do give off a much better, bolder color.  But who wants to be messing around with water in their eyeshadow?  Cuz although this palette is made to get wet, I’d somehow manage to ruin it.

These are pretty:

This is an eye look I created using the Colourpop Supershock eyeshadows in the Shaaanxo collection.  I will admit I bought this because I watch Shaaanxo on YouTube, and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I do everything YouTube tell me to do.  So these eyeshadows are interesting.  First of all, they’re like $5 so super affordable.  But they are unlike any other eyeshadow I’ve ever had.  They are like a cream/powder hybrid.  They are kind of wet like a cream, a bit squishy when you poke your finger into them (the fun part!), but you can apply them like powder.  Granted, your fingers are the best tools to use with these shadows, but have you ever tried to blend your inner corner with a ginormous sausage finger?  It’s nigh on impossible.  I stick with brushes and somehow make it work.

More evidence that YouTube has made me its bitch:

What normal person has heard of Viseart cosmetics?  Nobody.  Unless you are a makeup artist – a real one, not one of those pretend ones on Instagram.  So when I saw another of my Beauty Gurus swatching this Sultry Muse palette – who then had the audacity to tell me where I could go buy one of my very own since Sephora decided to do us all a favor and start carrying the line – I took about 1.5 seconds to think about it before I threw it in the shopping cart.  And yes, they are gorgeous.  They are everything you’d want an eyeshadow to be – buttery, pigmented, blendable.  So naturally they cost a billion dollars (or $80, but close enough).  Can’t say I’m too regretful.  I don’t mind spending money on something I like.  I’d rather get it for free, but if that’s not available, what choice do I have?  Sephora is constantly out of stock on these – they are very much an in demand product.  Which means you are panicking and NEED TO BUY ONE RIGHT AWAY.  Or maybe that’s just what my brain does.

How about another photo of my eye:


I did not hear good things about the Hourglass Modernist eyeshadow palettes but I just felt like spending $58 on something.  One thing for sure, the pattern molded into the palette is enough to suck you in.  I love how ripple-y it looks.  When I saw that, nothing else mattered.  Is that shallow?  Probably.

There are 7 palettes in the collection and I picked Color Field, the green one.  Amidst the flurry of no-pigmentation claims, I created the eye look you see above and I was quite impressed.  I thought there was plenty of pigmentation, and everything blended together so nicely.  Perhaps some of the other palettes are not as good, but Color Field worked just fine.  Granted, I used it just one time then stored it under my bathroom counter never to be see again, but THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

Speaking of pigmentation, I give you these:

Do you hear angels?  I do.  These are the Makeup Geek Foiled eyeshadows and they are the best most pigmented, vibrant, luscious eyeshadows on the face of the planet.  This is not a joke.  One gentle swipe is all you need for maximum payoff.  They have an almost wet texture to them – apparently they have a higher oil content – and certain brushes give you better application.  The MAC #239 or any of its dupes works really well.  Or you can use your fingers, but again I don’t prefer that method.  If you don’t have the MAC one or a dupe, any shader brush that has dense bristles will work.

There are a couple of cons though.  The price for one eyeshadow is $10 so if you want to own the entire current collection, that’s $200 out of your pocket.  I’m not saying I spent the last few months buying every single Makeup Geek eyeshadow available or anything, but I probably did.  It didn’t hurt as bad until I got to the foiled shadows.  Ouchie.  But once I start on a project, I literally have to finish it because my OCD says so.  Yes, I’m quite aware I have a problem.

The other con is these shadows are very delicate and can crumble on you with no warning.  I swear I haven’t been throwing them around the room – they’ve been sitting gently in a Z-Palette the entire time – but two of my shadows have random chunks coming out of them.  Not a huge deal since you can just press them back into the pan, but it is kind of annoying.  And since they are $10 each, any crumb missing might as well be the Hope Diamond or something.

Let’s end on a bummer, shall we?

Who wants to buy a palette that looks like a quilt on the inside?  Me!  And who wants to pay $96 for it?  Me!  Wait … wait?!  I have no idea what I was thinking when I bought the By Terry Eye Designer palette but I’m pretty sure it has 97.93766% to do with that stupid pattern stamped into the eyeshadow.  Who’s the most ridiculous person on the planet?  I’m not even gonna answer that question cuz you already know.

These are new and come in two styles.  I bought the #2 Color Design because of the vibrant fun colors.  And yes, it is a beauty to look at.  And makes a very cool Instagram photo as evident by the 81 likes it’s currently received.  But good gracious it’s pricey!  And to be honest, I don’t think it’s worth it.  Sure it looks fancy, but I did not find the pigmentation on any of these to be particularly good.  Or not $96 worth of good.  And I don’t know about you, but if I’m spending that much money on anything, it bygod better be the best thing that’s ever been invented.  I’m keeping it until I die though because I figure eventually I’ll use it at least one more time by then.  Hashtag JUSTIFIED.

In case you haven’t noticed but I’m extremely behind this month already.  What is time?  Where does it go?  I dunno, guys. Sometimes I just paint my nails for three hours in the evening instead of doing something important.  Although painting my nails is pretty important, but I imagine my husband thinks scooping cat poop is more important.  He is WRONG.  Bye Friends!

Glossybox | June 2015

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My house is haunted.  Normally when people say things like that, I find it hard to believe because if I didn’t see it myself with my own two eyes, then certainly it never happened.  So maybe I am being punished for not trusting people or calling them liars behind their backs, cuz this past weekend while I was home alone, I had my own ghost experience.

I was polishing my nails on Saturday afternoon, minding my own business as I am wont to do (otherwise known as too lazy to be messing in anyone else’s business), and I hear a loud buzzing coming from the back of the house.  I go investigate because at this point there is no reason to be scared.  Discover it is my husband’s razor in the shower that somehow turned its vibrate setting on by itself.  Well that is indeed interesting.  I turn it off and go back to painting my nails.  I will admit my heart is starting to mildly beat heavily in my chest.  And no more than five minutes later, the buzzing starts again.  Okay, this is unacceptable, particularly because I am yelling at a razor to STOP IT RIGHT NOW, which is frowned upon in most societies.

I turn off the razor and sit it next to me at my new nail polish station (or “kitchen table”, if you’d rather) where I could keep an eye on it for further monkey business.  My heart is pounding and I’m getting dizzy.  The clock says hubby won’t be home for another three hours.  Three hours is plenty of time to be murdered by a ghost, I’m sure of it.  And wouldn’t you know, roughly five more minutes go by and that dadgum razor goes off again right in front of my eyeballs.  I slam my hand down on the table (and get glitter nail polish everywhere, mind you), remove the batteries from the razor, then text my husband to tell him we’re selling the house.  Completely logical next step if you ask me.

And if you’re still interested, here’s my Glossybox:

I believe this is the latest I’ve ever been reviewing one of my boxes.  I almost skipped it because I thought by now no one would care about it.  But I suppose it’s not necessarily the box that’s important, but the products inside, so I’m being a good little blogger and reviewing like someone is paying me to do it.  They’re not paying me.  But they should.

First item is the Etre Belle Aloe Vera Moisturing Gel.  At first I thought this was just some after-sun product that I would never need to use because if things can’t be done indoors like God intended, then what is the point? However, upon further review, it seems it can be used as a light moisturizer, particularly for those with oily skin, and as a primer for before makeup.  I used it as such, and it behaved just fine.  Very light, only slightly sticky (which didn’t last long anyway), and it had a nice refreshing smell.  I don’t think it’s anything I’d rush out to purchase on my own, but since I have it I’ll use it.

Next item is the coveted Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara.  This mascara has won lots of kudos from customers and companies alike because it performs miracles (apparently).  Paula’s Choice website lists it as the Best of the Best.  So feel free to take my review with a grain of salt, but I was not a fan.  The brush on this mascara is an eye gouge waiting to happen.  It’s ginormous, and when you have teeny baby lashes, a big bushy mascara wand is at the bottom of your Need list.  I couldn’t get it near the base of my lashes without poking myself in the eyeball.  But since everyone else in the world loves it, I seem to be the only one with this problem.  In other words, my point is moot.

Now that I’m getting into nail polish, I was completely happy with receiving this Orly one.  However, I got the shade Lola which is kind of a basic medium pink.  It didn’t knock my socks off, but the formula was nice.  Went on smooth.  Did three coats to make damn sure it was opaque because I know me; I’d focus on a miniscule uneven spot until my eyes bled.  I wish I could tell you if it was chip resistant, but I’ve been changing my nail polish every single day because I’m obsessed and not normal.

One product I most definitely did not like was the Doucce Cosmetics blush brush.  I mean, it’s a brush so it’ll get the job done, but it was not soft at all.  Unless mine was a dud.  I checked the reviews on the Glossybox site, and of course everyone but me loved it.  But mine was scratchy and it shed bristles on my face – that’s a fact.  So I didn’t even keep it – I couldn’t even be bothered to pass it along.  Tossed it right in File 13 and then I moved on with my life.

Last item in the box was the Rich Pure Luxury Intense Moisture shampoo.  Again, no conditioner counterpart.  What is this epidemic?  This doesn’t make sense even to really stupid people – shampoo and conditioner go together.  Like peanut butter and jelly, or like when you order a drink it comes in a cup.  However, because this shampoo claims to be intensively moisturizing and my hair is super fine, I figured I could let it slip this one time.  But ONE TIME ONLY.  Next box that sends one but not the other gets a karate chop to the throat.

So yes, I’ve been using the shampoo.  It’s fine.  Doesn’t gunk up my hair.  I wouldn’t go so far to say it gave my hair an overload of moisture – which may be a good thing depending on your preference – but I’m finishing the tube anyway.  It smells nice.  There’s also that.

You’re at the end.  Doesn’t that feel nice, to do something from start to finish?  You’ve earned gold stars and now you may get back in pajamas.  I’m in mine because I wrote a blog post, and that sometimes takes light years.  Bye, everyone!

Birchbox | June 2015

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I’m not much of a sports fan, but I can go to a live event like a dutiful wife every once in a while.  Especially if it comes with a luxurious hotel stay, shopping, and a Michelin Star-rated dinner reservation.  So when my husband asked me if I wanted to go to a baseball game in St. Louis, I agreed without much hesitance.  I figured worse case scenario would be me wandering around a souvenir shop inside the stadium while my husband has the time of his life all by himself.

Then my husband bought us jerseys.  Nothing wrong with a little team spirit, and it’s kind of fun dressing up and rooting for the home team, cheering along with the crowd and whatnot.  Until he told me he bought us jerseys for the opposing team because he is a Cubs fan not a Cardinals fan.  You mean to tell me I’ll be sitting in a stadium surrounded by 40,000 Cardinals fans wearing a Cubs jersey?  That’s a fashion faux pas I do believe – and a turf war waiting to happen.  I’m scared!

Here’s my Birchbox:


I’m not a big fan of eye patches.  They are a less serial killer-y version of a sheet mask, but I still would rather use an eye cream.  However, I went ahead and used these Skyn Iceland Hydro Cool Firming Eye Gels for the sake of this review, and I have to say if I felt like crossing over to the other side, these would be on my shopping list (along with a huge index of beer I’ve never wanted to try).  They feel very soothing, stick really well, and they’re pretty princess-y if you wanna go sit down and have your husband make you a sandwich or something.  If I had puffy under eyes, I may have noticed some results, but since I don’t I can’t say much else.  The website says they are a Celebrity Favorite, and really that’s all anyone ever needs to know anyway.

Another navy blue eyeliner.  You know, if there is a world shortage, I got everyone covered probably.  This time I got a Marcelle waterproof one in the shade Indigo.  Stayed pretty well on the top eyelid, but I couldn’t get it to go on my inner rim for the life of me.  Like I would swipe it on and absolutely nothing came off.  Either I just have very wet inner rims or this eyeliner is stupid.  I most likely won’t be keeping it.  I have no use for it.  I’ll pass it along to my daughter who somehow manages to look good in every makeup reject I pass down to her.  Because life is FAIR, that’s why.

Let’s continue with the Most Boring Samples Ever theme and talk about the TempleSpa Good Hair Day shampoo and In Good Condition conditioner.  Yes, it’s something usable, but honestly it puts me right to sleep.  I’m tired of getting shampoo and conditioner in my boxes, although on the flipside, I haven’t had to buy a full-size of either one in quite a long time.  I did try them both, and I wasn’t really a fan.  The shampoo smelled very much like men’s cologne which I did not like.  The conditioner fared better with a peppermint and rosemary scent.  I used both the other day, and I couldn’t get the shampoo to lather up the way I like.  Conditioner was fine, but still the whole event left me less than impressed.  After drying my hair, I looked like the dirty end of a broom.  What happened to the moisture?  It done took a vacay.

Usually I finish up shampoo and conditioner samples, but I’m tossing this one because it did not make my hair feel very good.  And that’s the end of that story.  Moving on.

I’ve owned the Dr. Jart+ Premium BB cream previously and it’s a really great one.  The coverage on it is practically foundation.  It covers up my splotches very well which is all I ever really want out of a foundation.  Just make me look perfect, is that too much to ask?  My mom loves this BB cream as well.  In fact, she may love it a tad more than me, and because she doesn’t have a cache of 27 partially used and almost expired foundations, I’m passing this sample along to her.  Who needs a doctor or lawyer as a daughter when you can have one that gives you gently used makeup samples for FREE.

Last thing in the box was a bonus item, a Pura Vida headband, although if they left it out of the box it would’ve made absolutely no difference.  I’m 40.  What the hell am I going to do with this headband?  I’m sure there’s some 40-year-olds out there who can tell me exactly what to do with this headband (and maybe not in a nice way), but honestly I have no use for it.  I put it on just to test it out and it stayed on pretty good.  So if you’re in the market for a good headband, I guess this one would probably be alright.  But I’ll most likely give it to my daughter.  That should get me a hug with both arms at the very least.

Time’s up!  Hope you enjoyed.  In case you didn’t notice, I’m behind again.  Ugh.  It’s hard being obsessed with so many things.  As soon as YouTube and Instagram go out of business, I’m pretty sure things will get back on track. Until then, I’ll just go on and be a hot mess.  Bye loves!